One of my favourite kinds of jokes to write are name jokes, such as these old classics:

What do you call a man with a spade on his head?

Doug

What do you call a man without a spade on his head?

Douglas

I love them because they take a common name—one that you might hear every day without thinking twice—and transform it into something funny. It’s like turning an old sock into a hilarious hand puppet.
Over the years, I’ve written more than sixty name jokes, and you’ll find them scattered throughout my various joke books. Here are three of them:

What do you call a man with a cat down his trousers?

Claude

What do you call a girl with sausages on her head?

Barbie

What do you call a lady who set fire to a bank loan?

Bernadette

Here’s the scoop on how to write your own name jokes. The first part of the setup is obvious. It goes What do you call a…

However, we don’t worry about that right now. We start with the name – or the punchline – and work back from there. So, look for names that have two meanings or that sound like something else.

In my examples, the names sounded like these meanings:

Claude – clawed

Barbie – Barbe(cue)

Bernadette – burn a debt

I then described each alternate meaning in a visual or amusing way. For example, I thought what goes on a barbecue? Sausages. I imagined in my mind’s eye someone putting sausages on a girl’s head instead of a grill. And voilà… this became the setup for a joke.

So, let’s look at some other names that have two meanings or sound like something else. Here are three possibilities:

Pat

Annette

Arlo

We’ll start with Pat. What other meanings or similar-sounding words can you think of?

Let’s look at alternate meanings first:

There’s to pat, as in pat on the back.

The pitter-patter of rain

Cowpat… ooh… this could be funny.

Before we explore the cowpat idea, let’s see if any similar-sounding words are close enough to pass for the name Pat:

Pot

Put

Putt

Part

Patter

Patty

Pad

Nothing there jumps off the page (although we might be able to use Patty in different name joke!) so let’s go back to our favourite alternate meaning: (Cow)Pat.

What we need to do next is describe our alternate meaning in an interesting or funny way. With name jokes—unlike with other jokes—we try to make the setup as funny as possible. Think about something visual, so your audience can see it in their mind.

Pat could be both a girl’s and a boy’s name, but I feel like it’s more common for girls, so let’s make it a girl.

What do you call a girl… who falls out of a cow’s butt? Mmm, that’s not quite right. Cow poo comes out of a cow’s butt, but a cowpat is on the ground already.

So how about:

What do you call a girl lying in a cow paddock?

Pat

I’d say that works! It’s not immediately obvious what the answer is going to be, yet it makes total sense when you hear the punchline. Go us!

Let’s do the next one:

Annette

There’s only one sound-alike I can think of for this one. A net. It’s quite obvious, though, so we need to make our setup a little obscure, if we can.

So, what type of net could we describe? A net curtain? A fishing net?

I’d say a fishing net is the most visual. So, what do we do with a fishing net? Drag it through the ocean? Throw it out of a boat? Ooh… that could be it. Let’s try putting it in a setup question. Annette is definitely a girl’s name, so here goes:

What do you call a girl who gets thrown out of a fishing boat?

Annette

Yay… that works. I used fishing boat, rather than simply boat, just to be crystal clear, but I’d say that’s a pretty good joke.

Let’s do the last one:

Arlo

This one doesn’t have any obvious soundalike words, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be done.

It sounds a bit like hello, said in certain accents. But I’m not sure that’s good enough. Let’s try breaking it down further.

Ar lo

The lo part sound like low, so what could be low?

Our low – our low price, maybe? Not quite.

R low – as in the letter? Mmm.

Or Arrrgh low as in the sound. But what makes a low Arrrgh sound? A lion cub… no, that’s more of a roar. A Pirate! A short pirate. Ooh, that’s funny!

Now Arlo is a boy’s name, so let’s try it:

What do you call a boy who… is a short pirate? No, this feels too clumsy. Let’s chop some words:

What do you call a short pirate?

Arlo

Woohoo… I love it! It’s definitely unexpected, but makes enough sense to be funny.

Your Turn

Now that you know how to create your own name jokes, have a go with the following names, breaking each one down in the same way. When you’ve got three of your very own jokes, test them out on friends and family to see if they laugh. And don’t forget to tell everyone that you made the jokes up yourself.

Jack

Elaine

Seymour

Once you’ve mastered the name joke, no one will be safe. You’ll be able to turn anyone’s name into a joke. Family, friends, classmates, even famous actors. And when you’ve targeted everyone you know, type Baby Names into Google and you’ll never run out of hilarious punchlines.

Now, go forth and write your own name jokes. And when you’re ready for other kinds of jokes, my third You’re Joking book is coming soon. Click HERE to receive updates of upcoming releases and monthly jokes.

Oh, and you can check out some of my favourite name jokes below: