Readers' Favourites: Our Community's Most Loved Jokes

UNLEASH THE LAUGHTER

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HUGE thanks to everyone who’s sent me their favourite jokes! Here’s a bumper crop of hilarious howlers that have tickled my inbox recently. Next time you crack up at a clever punchline or a funny one-liner, jot it down and send it to me. It may well feature in my next joke book.

What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy?

I don’t know and I don’t care.

Why did the frog take the bus to work today?

His car got toad away

What has to be broken before it is celebrated?

A world record!

Why did the hand cross the road?

To get to the second-hand shop

What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?

Dam!

Why was the football pitch a triangle?

Because someone took a corner

If you put a picture of yourself inside a locket…

…you would be independent.

Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?

Because it had nobody to go with

I went to the bank and a lady there asked me to help check her balance…

…so I pushed her over.

What did the ocean say to the pirate?

Nothing, it just waved

Why do we tell actors to break a leg?

Because every play needs a cast

What did the intelligent fish say to the riverbed?

You need to learn how to reed

Have you heard of the band 623MB?

They haven’t done a gig yet

What did Santa say while gardening?

Hoe Hoe Hoe

Which pharaoh farts a lot?

Tooting Khamun

What do you call a person with no body and no nose?

Nobody knows

Why did the potato cross the road?

To get to the other sides!

What did Luke Skywalker say to the geologist?

May the quartz be with you.

Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?

For being outstanding in his field

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A nervous wreck

Thanks to the following kids who submitted these great jokes:
Olivia, Annabelle, Sadie, Nathan, Lacey, Samuel, Jacob, Lucy B, Kahli-Rae, Anja and Marshall, Joey, Aidan, James C, William, Lloyd, Bodie, Wil, Atticus, Joshua, and Zoe C.

YOU ROCK!

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Discover Hundreds of Original Jokes

Click on the categories below to unleash the laughter. From animal puns to toilet humour and wordplay, there is something for everyone in these hilarious joke collections.